{"id":91,"date":"2015-02-03T11:08:34","date_gmt":"2015-02-03T15:08:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/christinewoodcock.com\/blog\/?p=91"},"modified":"2015-02-03T11:11:03","modified_gmt":"2015-02-03T15:11:03","slug":"how-to-have-a-successful-parent-teacher-conference","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/christinewoodcock.com\/blog\/2015\/02\/how-to-have-a-successful-parent-teacher-conference\/","title":{"rendered":"How to have a successful parent-teacher conference"},"content":{"rendered":"

As soon as you click on this link, you\u2019re probably wondering, \u201cWho\u2019s the audience?\u00a0 Is this article for parents or teachers?\u201d\u00a0 The answer is both<\/strong>, because this is a relationship<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

I see this relationship from a variety of angles\u2014 I am a mom (of a child with special needs, to boot!) and I was also a K-8 special education teacher and a professor in teacher education for many years.\u00a0 Now, I am a Learning Disabilities Specialist at the college-level.<\/p>\n

Yet, I still cringe at the thought of parent-teacher conferences at my daughter\u2019s school.\u00a0 I love my daughter\u2019s teacher, so why?\u00a0 Why on earth do I feel this way?<\/p>\n

Maybe the answer isn\u2019t so complicated.\u00a0 A child is the most cherished person in the world to any parent.\u00a0 For both teachers and parents, the parent-teacher conference is a deeply emotional and vulnerable experience.\u00a0 As soon as we admit that, we can accept it.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Below you\u2019ll see tips for both teachers and parents to help navigate the vulnerabilities with more grace and grit.\u00a0 My hope is that by keeping the child\u2019s best interests in mind, the conferences will go smoothly.<\/p>\n

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Tips for teachers:<\/strong><\/p>\n

1.<\/strong> \u00a0You set the tone.\u00a0 You determine the overall dynamic and flow, so my suggestion is that you make it as positive as possible.<\/p>\n

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\u00a0\u201cTeaching, I was coming to understand, was a kind of romance\u2026 You\u2026 invited a relationship of sorts\u201d (Rose, 1989, p. 102). \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

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Relationships give meaning to practice (Hicks, 2002, p. 151).<\/em><\/p>\n

2.<\/strong> \u00a0Aesthetics can play a huge role in the comfort of some parents.\u00a0 Fresh flowers, soft music, warm tea, and cookies can all go a long way in putting a person at ease.\u00a0 Okay, I realize this sounds like a crazy date, but in a silly way, it is!<\/p>\n

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3.<\/strong> \u00a0Be specific.\u00a0 Please don\u2019t talk in generalizations.\u00a0 For example, instead of saying, \u201cSusie is such a pleasure to have in class,\u201d say something specific such as, \u201cSusie brings joy to my life in the ways she is always willing to lend a hand, or offer a hug when anyone appears stressed.\u201d<\/p>\n

4.<\/strong> \u00a0Always start with praise.\u00a0 Brainstorm and write down lots of positive attributes about each child, and again, be specific!\u00a0 Instead of saying, \u201cSusie is really independent,\u201d try to tease out how you know she is independent.\u00a0 How does she show you that trait?<\/em>\u00a0 For example, \u201cI love the way Susie gets right to work when she enters the classroom.\u00a0 She is eager to begin a new activity.\u201d<\/p>\n

5.<\/strong> \u00a0Any parent wants to hear that you genuinely care for, or even love, his\/her child.\u00a0 Don\u2019t be shy about expressing that, and again, be specific.\u00a0 Instead of simply saying, \u201cI adore Susie,\u201d say \u201cI love Susie because she is a ray of sunshine, always smiling and enthusiastic.\u00a0 She is a bundle of energy, and her energy \u00a0invigorates me.\u201d<\/p>\n

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6.<\/strong> \u00a0Of course, no human being is perfect\u2026 not even this fictional Susie.\u00a0 So, have a bulleted list of goals for parents to read, specific to each child.\u00a0 Right after each bulleted goal, have a brief plan of how you propose to meet each goal.\u00a0 Many parents are goal-oriented, and want their children to be working on things, anyway.\u00a0 This approach makes parents much less defensive, because it\u2019s not negative, yet still targets what the child needs to work on.<\/p>\n

Here is an example:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Susie will be reading Level L books by the end of the school year.\u00a0 In order to accomplish this goal, we will need to nail down her long vowel patterns.\u00a0 We will have dedicated word work for fifteen minutes each day.\u00a0 Each session will involve a brief review and mini-lesson, followed by a word game to tackle each long vowel pattern.\u00a0 (Maybe have a basket nearby with a sample lesson.\u00a0 People love visuals and hands-on examples.)\u00a0 Parents also appreciate this \u201cwe\u201d language because it shows that \u201cwe\u2019re in this together\u201d type of attitude.<\/em><\/p>\n

7.<\/strong> \u00a0Inevitably, there are negative issues with children in your class, and those shouldn\u2019t be ignored.\u00a0 There are tips to address the issues with honesty and neutrality.\u00a0 Describe the experience and immediately follow-up with a plan or two with how you plan to address it, or how you have already been addressing it.\u00a0 For example, let\u2019s say fictional Susie is bossy (for lack of better way of putting it) and it turns off a lot of her peers.\u00a0 I might say, \u201cSince Susie has such an independent streak, she sometimes acts in a very directive way with other students, which her friends find upsetting.\u00a0 I have been suggesting that Susie write down her ideas in a journal, instead of overwhelming her friends with the ideas.\u00a0 I will also work with Susie on ways to ask her friends questions about what they would like to do. I\u2019m also working on partnering Susie with a younger student with whom she\u2019ll become an academic buddy, providing her with a more productive avenue for her energy.\u201d<\/p>\n

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Overlap tips between teachers and parents:<\/strong><\/p>\n

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1.<\/strong> \u00a0One trap I see a lot of teachers and parents fall into is the \u201cwish trap.\u201d\u00a0 This is when a teacher or parent says something like, \u201cI wish Susie would just sit still and focus.\u00a0 I know she is so smart, and we\u2019re not seeing all of which she is capable because she just won\u2019t sit still long enough to show us.\u201d\u00a0 This is the \u201cwish trap\u201d because it\u2019s negative and not goal oriented.\u00a0 Plus, we need to accept the children where they are, not where we wish they were.\u00a0 Describe times Susie does<\/em> sit still and listen well.\u00a0 What\u2019s happening during those times so you can replicate it?\u00a0 If Susie has trouble focusing, what are strategies to help her sit still?\u00a0 Maybe physical exercise before school, a different diet, sensory objects to hold, or perhaps behavior incentives?<\/p>\n

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2.<\/strong> \u00a0Both parents and teachers are sources of hope<\/strong> for the child.\u00a0 Keep a tone of hopefulness throughout the conference.\u00a0 The conference should not be a force of doom and gloom, examining everything wrong with the child.\u00a0 I\u2019ve worked with very troubled youth in my career, yet I\u2019m always careful to remain realistic, yet positive in my conferences, pointing out strengths in each human being, and harnessing those strengths to address weaknesses.\u00a0 Finally, I always have back-up plans for the students, offering suggestions until every person in the room feels hopeful moving forward.<\/p>\n

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Tips for parents:<\/strong><\/p>\n

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1. \u00a0Listen.<\/strong>\u00a0 The conference is your time to listen.\u00a0 This isn\u2019t about you<\/em>.\u00a0 This is about your child<\/em>. \u00a0I know this sounds harsh, but… check your ego at the door.\u00a0 We all have dreams for our children.\u00a0 This conference is about meeting your child where he\/she is right now, not where you hope she\u2019ll be at age 40.<\/p>\n

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2.<\/strong> \u00a0That said, trust your instincts.\u00a0 If something doesn\u2019t feel right to you, please speak up, and offer suggestions.\u00a0 Or, wait and let the information digest at home, and set up another time to discuss your ideas with the teacher once you\u2019ve had time to think about the information.<\/p>\n

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3.<\/strong> \u00a0You are your child\u2019s best advocate.\u00a0 There are times I have respectfully disagreed with professionals at my daughter\u2019s school.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t a fight over who\u2019s right; in the end we\u2019re all just trying to do what\u2019s best for the child.<\/p>\n

That is precisely the conclusion, too.\u00a0 Both parents and teachers have the best interests of the children in mind.\u00a0 When parents trust that the teachers truly have the best interests of the children in mind, the relationship grows.<\/strong><\/p>\n

References<\/strong><\/p>\n

Hicks, D. (2002). Reading lives: Working-class children and literacy learning<\/i>. New York: Teachers College Press.<\/p>\n

Rose, M. (2005).\u00a0 Lives on the boundary.\u00a0 <\/i>New York: Penguin.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As soon as you click on this link, you\u2019re probably wondering, \u201cWho\u2019s the audience?\u00a0 Is this article for parents or teachers?\u201d\u00a0 The answer is both, because this is a relationship. I see this relationship from a variety of angles\u2014 I am a mom (of a child with special needs, to boot!) and I was also […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13,12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-91","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parent-teacher-conferences","category-parent-teacher-relationships"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/christinewoodcock.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/91","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/christinewoodcock.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/christinewoodcock.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/christinewoodcock.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/christinewoodcock.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=91"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/christinewoodcock.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/91\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":98,"href":"https:\/\/christinewoodcock.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/91\/revisions\/98"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/christinewoodcock.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=91"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/christinewoodcock.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=91"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/christinewoodcock.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=91"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}